Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
