i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
