Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize