you told grandpa to call you daddy
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
