yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
