I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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