I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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