i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
