GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
