ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
