I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
