Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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