is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
