i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
