Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
