No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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