So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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