just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
