Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
