Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
