you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
