I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
