when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
