Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
