I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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