I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
