Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
