That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
