i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
