That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This house was built for laser tag.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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