I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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