I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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