the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
