Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
