btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's the barista slut.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
