Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
