I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
