Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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