What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
