i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
