I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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