i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
