He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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