hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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