with your own penis?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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