You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
