about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
