I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
