I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
