We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
