I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
